Archive | 9:13 pm

Why Me?!?!?

10 Oct

Things like this always happen to me!!  You all know locker rooms freak me out anyhow – but to get to the pool I have to go through one.

So, here I am – in the locker room, putting on my swim cap.  Behind me in the mirror is an older lady – 55-65 – stark nude.  Okay.  I can deal with that, I just avert my gaze.

She, however, stops what she’s doing (applying lotion, admiring her physique, finding her bellybutton??) , stares at me, and starts to walk toward me.  Here, I begin to get a little nervous.  Then Naked McNoPants – touches me!!!!  My head is screaming, “stranger danger, stranger danger, run, run, RUN!!!!!!!!!”  She says, “honey I love your suit…”

At this point all I can think is, “lady put some pants on.”  I don’t trust myself enough to say much of anything… God knows what could come out of my mouth.  I think I muttered, “thanks” and something about having to go to the bathroom – before I awkwardly sprinted to the stalls… luckily before I had a heart attack.

I wait about 3 minutes before I sneak back out of the stalls.  As I do, I catch the naked woman (who is now donning a t-shirt) make for the stalls herself.  The last glimpse I see of her as I round the corner for the pool – is her bright white butt cheeks swaying in the breeze.

Somebody get me some dark dark sunglasses please!!!  Or my own little hamster tunnel to the pool.

I think I will die now.

Until next time,