Oh Swimming, How You Have Betrayed Me.

3 Sep

Once upon a time – I was a lifeguard, I was in the best shape of my life, and I was a very strong swimmer…. that was 12 years ago.  Since then – I haven’t really done much swimming.  However, that didn’t stop me from thinking that I would still be as good as I once was.  Oh, how wrong I was.

I began my journey by purchasing the essentials: Goggles, Swim Cap, and Racer Suit.  I was gonna be fast, and look like an idiot.  This all started because my “helper” or “coach” told me – in order to be a long distance runner – I needed to get my butt off the treadmill.  Apparently, treadmills lie to you – you don’t go as far or as fast as they say you do… which would make sense, because I am super fast on my treadmill and ms. slow poke on the trail.   I was also told I should take it slow – I should work in other exercises that increase my heart rate and provide resistance… and that’s how I came to swimming.  Okay – so I have my plan and my outfit.  I am SET!

So – here goes nothing.  Locker rooms freak me out – so I find the nearest stall and change into my suit.  Then I pull out my swim cap, after several attempts and lots of static later – it’s on.  Goggles… well they are on too.  Off to the pool.

I jump in and decide, “here goes nothing!!!” I take off.  About halfway down the lane I think I am going to die.  This is much harder than I remember.  I can’t get enough air – why aren’t my legs kicking!!!!  Shit.  Not. Easy.  On my way back I think – “Well, the breast stroke was always my favorite anyway.”  So off I go – okay that was a little easier.  Now here is the kicker.  I thought, “Oh, I loved the backstroke.”  Let’s just say surgery changed my face.  Before surgery water never, ever, ever went up my nose.  I didn’t get why people had to plug their nose, or why water up the nose was much of an issue.  So, I push-off from the edge of the pool to do some backstroking – when all of a sudden a stream of chlorinated water shoots straight to my brain.  I had to stand up – sputtering – with an enormous headache.  What the Hell was THAT about!!!

After a few minor adjustments I ended up completing 30 down and backs in about 42 minutes.

Since then I have swam 3 more days – and it gets a little better each time.  I have also learned to loosen my goggles so I don’t scare the college girls with deep red rings around my eyes. (Yes, they are still tender from “operation goggles too tight.”)

Until next time,


PS:  There is still no way in Hell I am changing in the locker room.  If you need me I will be in one of the stalls.

One Response to “Oh Swimming, How You Have Betrayed Me.”

  1. Amber September 3, 2010 at 5:28 am #

    I won’t change in a locker room eaither….never have enjoyed that one!

    Good job at swimming Andrea! Remember when you tought me to swim….Pushing me in off the diving board….Without you I never would have realised I could do it. So Now you are pusing me in again. So You know I have been fighting my weight well, my whole entire life. But let’s face it sticking to a workout is a big deal no matter your size. So if you can goggle it up I guess I can put my walking shoes back on, They have been sitting for 3 weeks. ♥

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